How would you respond to life's challenges? How would you paint yourself in canvass to describe your personality in the middle of adversities? How would you react to circumstances if it keeps giving you lemons?

I've been to a lot of things lately. Despair, disappointment, emotional setbacks, failures. I would spend hours raking my brain with reasons why I just can't be rewarded with the life I deserved. Looking at myself how others have seen me, questioning my life why it keeps tossing back to the road where I don't want to traverse again - the path that often leads to dejection. And pondering on the way I relate to friends and people in my environment.

Am I too pushy? Am I too annoying? Hard to please? Too pesky? Not worthy to be around? A bad thing to someone's day?

I don't even know the exact answer because people would just find excuses never to tell me the truth, perhaps, to avoid getting me hurt. But the manifestation of someone's behavior says it anyway, so why pretend?

Honestly, I considered myself a dark hue on a bunch of golden patterns trying to squeeze my way out to get a piece of sunshine. I feel like a total failure when it comes to my goal of fostering a good communication relationship with someone I like to be around with, or with someone I feel comfortable talking with. Because the effort still failed. The bridge still collapsed.

I tried picking up the momentum, and building it up again where it broke, but it still severed. Until it dried up my energy and sucked up my hope. Looking around, I couldn't see anything that fires it up to keep going because the bridge itself refused to be rebuilt.

So I leave it there. And let time carries my effort to the other intersection of life. Someday, I hope it will be remembered as one of the most sublime.

I walked away, carrying the notion that I am not good at anything, at establishing a lasting connection with the one I feel comfortable with. The bridge proves true.

I pondered hard on this. Even cried for it. But after assessing for days where things probably gone wrong, I acknowledged the fact that life reverberates to where echoes never heard. Shadows don't reflect to where sun never shines its best.

So I leave it there and swift to a path where sun shines the brightest and captures my own light. This way, I won't see my lonely self casting a shadow on a scary road anymore.

I meditated on the meaning of life and how rejection, disappointment and hurt built my strong personality. And how life be treated fairly without being hard on myself.

I acknowledged that we've just one life to live. One chance to make a difference. One effort to show kindness that might be a game changer to that someone's existence. But how will we spend it? In regretting? Wondering? Running after people who don't like us? 

I guess we should never hesitate to extend warmth to the people who treat us good. We have just one life to live and these people might just passers by in our world. Let's put aside our hesitations and restrictions. Be brave. Take risks. Let's foster relating with others. Tell them how much they meant to us. How much we appreciate their efforts. It spells a huge difference. Let's reward ourselves with days off to explore new places. Let's invest on the things that help expand our horizon and develop our wisdom.

In life, there are things we considered scary, moments we don't want to take because we have other priorities, because we are unsure. But how would we combat our notion of scare?

Here's one mantra I stumbled somewhere "Take away your scare and hesitations. Be brave. Apply for that job. Buy that ticket. Move to that city. Talk to someone. Date that person. Don't ignore the people who care for you and understand you. All these might never come again. Today, might be your last chance to make a difference to someone's life. Don't take it for granted. Don't be afraid to try. Fear is not there to scare you, it's there to let you know that something is worth trying and fighting for. At the end of the day, you would only lose the chances you did not try". 

As another inspirational quote would put it: Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed with the things you didn't do than by the things you didn't when you had the chance.

So whatever circumstances I am in right now, I don't have regrets. Because I was able to see what things work in friendship and relating to others, and what's not. Who are those who are willing to take me in and who are those who don't want me in their lives. But it's okay Let's respect people's choices.

I'm glad I tried.

Twenty years from now, I could look at myself in the mirror with so much pried and say, I have done everything I could. Though some of it ended in failure. But I learned something. I'm happy I tried. This is what life is all about, we win some, lose some.

But whatever happens, the things we put our effort, are worth fighting for. Just be grateful it happened.

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