In life, I feel like I am stuck in a milestone of something that has no in-betweens. Young adult and adult, single and confused, miserable and adequate, deprived and contented, happy and sad. Not extremes. But simply landmarks that have not moved in the middle.

It feels as though I am walking behind the shadow of a lost paradise, tiptoeing on a tight rope of life and one wrong move will topple me into the sink hole of despair.

At times, my rosy disposition swings into the other side of the spectrum and all I could see is a dark pattern of disgruntled dreams, tousled hopes and dour reveries. Feeling abandoned and overlooked, I began to think if my life is a big joke.


But it does not have to be like this all the time. I've been there a couple of times in the past and it was difficult. The feeling of abandonment and rejection is insideous and self-defeating. It breeds anger and remorse.

Over the years, I have worked out my insecuirities and my hang ups and had polished my inner strength to reveal my bright side so that in times of darkness and apprehensions I would not be defeated with dejections and pressure.

Still, there are moments in a day that I would toss back to the road of despair. Circumstances often pushed me to walk back in the shadows of lost dreams and a grim valley of fear over what's coming ahead.

Sometimes, I wonder  why this dark pattern of thoughts often occur. I have resolved to never look back on the roadside of desolation. But it kept tossing me to revisit my fear of abandonment.

Many years ago, I have managed to overcome my inhibitions and meekness. I have fortified my self-confidence. I have understood that life sometimes spins in a way we never expect it and that's normal. I am way ahead of my peers in terms of wisdom and learning. I have a better judgment and always view life with optimism.


Still, there are days that I am defeated with the hollowness and void of life, depleting my energy to think fairly. I am tired blaming the hormonal imbalances. And the bad energy in a toxic environment.

This is all about me and my infected thoughts. So I would not look outside to find the cure, nor wait for someone to rescue me from distress. I should go back to myself, take the discernment process again and figure out what went wrong with my life goals and how to reignite my appetite towards a happy life.

Writing heals. It allows a wounded self-esteem to recover and make it whole again. It allows myself to live twice and gives me a good window to look at the deepest part of my soul. Writing narratives allows myself to understand life better, even the complex circumstances. It opens so many self-discoveries and fair judgment about life. Writing is my sacred space, an interval of a tedious routine, a breather from stress, a balancing beam of my sadness, an incandescent place between then and now and what's next in my journey.

At night time before going to bed, I always write events that happened in my day. Including the people I have met and the shades of emotions that filtered. Apprehensions can be fatal. But writing always saves my day.

Sometimes I would go to bed thinking what I would be getting the next day. The thought of it makes my last conscious hours soft and calmer. In the morning, I would write everything in my blog how my thoughts went through that night. There's a new space of hope that opens up. A whole new space of zest and inspiration to get on with the day.

Eventually, sadness and clutters in my thoughts slowly vanish. Distress and emptiness gradually die down. Then a renewed hope fans open again. A bright vigor of a beautiful life bursts in, like a soft golden spark of a bright sunshine that slowly ascends from the far east.

Life is a landmark itself that offers wisdom to balance sadness and happiness, despair and gaiety. A state where one is given a chance to discern things and filter those moments need to keep and cherish. An opportunity to change the world through personal views.

Writing empowers people to influence and change the world. Words can be powerful and influential. And heals a wounded soul at the same time. I always crawl back to my sacred journaling space when I am at my lowest. It helps restore the balance of life. And helps rediscover my inner strength and potentials.

And though I often think I am between a milestone of confused dreams and disgruntled hopes, my writing passion helps me get through the day. It closes the rift of the broken intersections I am traversing and make my journey smooth again. Writing helps me understand life, and myself, better. Even the most complicated circumstances.


All of us are between landmarks - single and married, empty and fulfilled, happy and sad, inspired and de-motivated, and to understand every milestone, we must understand the paradox of life to carry on despite being pushed to the edge by the circumstances.

After all, life is what we make it. We are the chief architect of our happiness.


To wrap all of this, here is my version of a famous quote that had gone through many revisions over the years:

"As we grow up, we will realize that no matter how bad our days, life must go on. Tomorrow is another day. And each day brings new hope...

As we grow up, we will realize that the last person we never thought would hurt us, probably will. We will have our shares of sadness and happiness, contentment and despair. We will have our hearts broken perhaps more than once. And it gets harder each time. We will break other hearts too.

As we grow up, we will realize that we never met people by chance but by reasons. They are either a blessing or a lesson. We will blame a new friend or lover over things an old one did. We will fight with our best friends and sometimes fall in love with them. We will eventually lose our loved ones. We will cry because time passes us by.

So live at the moment, celebrate life, enjoy every bit of it while it lasts, stop for a while and appreciate the beauty in the environment, laugh at the confusion, cry through hard times, hug loved ones, smile to strangers, love like you have never been hurt, take many pictures, cherish friends, offer forgiveness.

Speak out. Tell someone what they mean to you. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. Every second we spend being upset or angry is a wasted second of happiness that we can never get back..."

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