Christmas 2018: How My Thoughts Have Changed

When you're alone celebrating the most wonderful time of the year, Christmas eve means going to bed early, curl beneath the blanket and drowse to sleep. No reason to stay up late.

This has been my life since relocating here in Metro Manila five years ago and I should never complain because this is my choice. I could have chosen to remain in Davao and easily return home to Surigao every Christmastime to be with my family but I chose to go out from my comfort zone and learn life in the hardest way.

Celebrating Christmas and New Year with my sister in our current location is not that festive. Not that merriest. No one in the house except our cats and dogs. But I know we are at peace. I should learn to get over with the blues. Afterall, this is the life I chose.

This made me realize what is really Christmas for adults especially when you are alone. Back then, when I was still a kid, I had the happiest Christmas with my family. All the joy I could imagine in this world was upon us. Now, things have changed.

Perhaps, this is what adulthood is all about. Accepting what life has to offer at the moment, counting the blessings and appreciating what I have. Happiness therefore is acceptance. A total self-surrender. A condition of the mind. And looking at life at the present time. I should not fret with the things I don't have and should stop stressing myself what's missing, what's lacking. Because things happened for a reason.

However, in as much as I wanted to be fair with myself and conform with destiny, still, from my deepest sense, there's a pinch about singlehood when holiday season comes. Yeah, it is unavoidable, I am still a normal human being.

Christmas is a time where everyone feels belongingness, and nothing more important than to be with family and loved ones. Well, whatever love means. Everybody is in a festive mood. Everywhere I could see happy couples with children in tow, doing shopping together or dining out together.

Something sears deep inside. I don't know what it is. It could be that I missed celebrating the holidays with my family back home or my longing to be with someone and have a family of my own is roaring loudly like an approaching train. Even this, I could not even figure out exactly what I am missing. But one thing is certain, the feeling of emptiness is slowly creeping beneath my system like a dreaded ghost.

However, I am quick to bounce back and geared my thoughts towards positivism. It's the most wonderful time of the year, whether I am celebrating it with someone or alone it should not affect the surface of the celebration. And my mind set.

The real meaning of Christmas is remembering Jesus Christ's birth. Remembering how He came with us. The inspiration of humility and selflessness. His birth symbolizes hope, peace, love, joy and reconciliation. It should be marked with optimism, gratefulness and praises.

This Christmastime nothing much has changed in me other than thoughts and views and the way I perceived life ahead. My wisdom has developed fully down the years. I should learn to let go of the things that I have no control. And just appreciate and be grateful with what I have. Afterall, happiness is a choice and a state of mind.

Perhaps, it is time to create a world of my own based on how I should live my life. I should not wait for someone to rescue me from my distress. I must learn to live alone and should not stay in the corner and fret why there is no one to celebrate the holidays with. I must go out and see the beauty in the environment. This is what adulting is all about.

My prayers this Christmas go to every facet in the society and to people from all walks of life who suffered so much from wars, chaos, poverty and social injustices. To the victims and survivors of Tsunami in Indonesia, to the people who have nothing in the table, to the victims of war, oppression, abuses and tyranny. May you find peace, healing, good health, love, safety, justice and abundance of life in different ways. And to my family back home, good health always.

This New Year I plan to take my first travel out-of- town with my camera and capture moments in the environment and write stories. And share it to the world. I find joy and fulfillment in writing and photography. Perhaps, this is where I should focus cultivating myself to educate and influence the world.

You might think the life of a writer is  a lonely one, sad and isolated, but it is not. In fact, it is very fulfilling.

Merry Christmas everyone! May the spirit of the season be with you all. Peace, love, joy and hope! Thank you dear God for all the blessings! 🎈🙏

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