Lessons and Friends

Had a wonderful time with my good friends yesterday at Abreeza. At lunch Helen called me to join her at Max’s resto.

Hmmm, actually last week, I, Juvy and Kathy already agreed to visit Abreeza by June 21, so after office hour yesterday, the three of us went there and Helen joined us later at KFC to talk some important matters.

What I always love about this little escapade with them is the fact that I can really enjoy their company to the fullest and very at ease without any inhibitions. 

The fun and the freedom I felt having them around are terrific, maybe because we are on the same wavelength and our common sense and level of understanding follow the same path. Well, it is too difficult to go with people who have different principles in life and definition of freedom, it feels like you are speaking a different language.

Every time I am with the above-mentioned friends, I always remember the great lessons and house rules my father strictly imposed while still growing up in the province.

My father, a conventional disciplinarian, reared me in a very strict Catholic upbringing, he made sure I and my siblings clearly understood all his rules and how we could benefit from it in the long run, though my brothers directly defied some of Papa's rules, I followed it devotedly. He pronounced disco and bar houses as nastiest places on earth, so I did not attempt to go there even once.

Last father’s day, while going to SM to send a simple gift for my father, I realized how lucky I am to grow up with a father who is always there for me, whose constant guidance and discipline molded me into a good human being without encountering mess along the way. 

Since high school, my emotional security surpassed my self-confidence, so great that I never think of looking for attention and affection from other people, I mean I was so contented with the protection and comfort from my parents that I grew up feeling fulfilled. Lack of attention from parents can be very disastrous, it will make someone hopped into the wrong road and bounced too eagerly like  a hungry Labrador to somebody without gauging if everything is genuine or not.

And alas! Happiness truly can never be found elsewhere, it is just deep with in, contentment is a personal endeavor and nobody can guarantee you of anything. The most frustrating thing to happen is to be able to live a life not your own,  as if you are living for other people’s dream, for other people’s expectations, it might be too dangerous, you will missed how great life is. I am glad I have a father whose stiff principles influenced me how to think sensibly.

As years gone by, the principles of my father embedded deeply in my system, one of the rules I considered very important is “avoid people with unconventional lifestyle”, so I struggled to build my little world within the people whose lifestyle is the same as mine. 

I also learned to live with criticism everyday and refer to it as my devil’s advocate to see and balance things clearly, to be more sensible with my judgement and decision. I welcomed it as part of personal and professional growth, it is an integral part of human life, without it, you will never know exactly who you are and how to identify your lapses and blunder and how to reconstruct yourself. 

Criticisms will always make you a better person. It is part of emotional maturity. Sometimes it is difficult to face criticism when you are afraid to reveal the nagging truth of yourself especially when you are hiding some anxieties, it feels like rubbing salt unto  open wounds, it can hurt you but you will never learn your lesson if you won't experience pain. 

But we lived in a society that abhors criticism because it will make us so transparent, it will reveal the real us, and we don’t want to see our real selves because we wanted to believe that our own little world is too perfect, too shimmery, but that’s life my dear, you cannot make everything perfect without passing through rough patches.

Later in life, you will encounter many more criticism and struggles and when your system is not prepared to grasp the negative side, that’s when disillusionment takes place and it gets harder and harder as you go along. Criticism, pain and sufferings are what make life worth living. 

 “If you don’t want to be criticized then never court it because what we received is just the result of what we projected”. Sometimes we think the world conspires to bury us in despair where in fact it is just the result of the impression we had given, we just reaped what we sowed.  I am glad my father taught me to be broadminded and never dwell too much on petty issues.

Two decades later since grasping the principles and rules my father imposed in the house, I became more mature and secure emotionally and see the wider side of life in the correct perspective. Now after passing through many criticism and debacles, I am more sensible where to put myself and how to choose the people I should go with.  

Great Lessons I learned in Life

---Always maintained decency and modesty to deserve respect from other people particularly from a man, well,  remember that a man will treat a girl the way she shows how she wants to be treated. He gives that kind of respect if he thinks she deserves it.

---Avoid people who have unconventional lifestyle, it will bring no good to your journey in life.

---Never take boyfriends while still in school

---If you don't want to be talked behind your back, do not dish them with something to talk about. Our life is a reflection of what we constantly project.

---If you want to see the wider side of life and broaden your horizon, be prepared with criticism because it is only when being criticized that you will see the other side of you which might help you improve and become a better person. Part of living life to the fullest is embracing your shortcomings, you will never discover your real strength and potentials without passing through many criticism, most importantly, accept the fact that you cannot pleased everybody. 

---No to night life (so I and my sister lived in a boarding house back in college with a 9:00 pm curfew rule)

---Go with the people who lived in the same Christian principles

---Listen to other people’s opinions. Their opinions might be too offensive to hear from your own point of view, but it punches great lessons in life you failed to realize and see because you are too preoccupied with your own judgement and stubbornness.

---Constructive criticism is good and brings great advantages because it will help you sort out important things in life and helps you realize where did you go wrong and where to improve, where to pick up the pieces and what portion to be tossed, after all, no one can see his own dirt in the face without seeing a mirror. Criticism serves as a mirror in life.

---Do not dwell too much on petty issues, discard it as nonsense, only people who lack better judgment easily irritated with baseless things.

---Happiness cannot be found elsewhere or in someone else but just deep with in yourself, if you are in great crisis emotionally, then go back to yourself, only idiot people throw the reasons of their miseries to their neighbors. After all, happiness is a personal quest.

---Do not wash your dirty linen in public, it will make you look more cheap than dignified. Learn how to be discreet, maintain modesty all through out.

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