My Journaling Habit

Journal writing is a great relief, it helps me escape the clutters of daily life and offers consolation no person can. It allows me to talk without being judged. I can confide my innermost feeling without being humiliated.

I started keeping a journal since I was 13 years old. I find it very fascinating then, I was delighted with the fact that I could practice writing without dreading somebody might read my horrible English. Then I discovered the comfort and relief of pouring down anxieties and worries on the white pages. Journal writing gradually became my "refuge" and my “lifeline” when bad days made me think I am a useless creature.

In my journal writing habit, I always choose a certain state of feeling where I can maximize my potential in writing. I noticed that I am more effective if my topics are about pain and sufferings. So I devoted several hours of the day, scribbling my sentiments and my “silent” heartaches.

Through the process of writing down anxieties and tribulations, I was able to record the pattern of my actions plus responses to every encounter I had with other people and alas!it helped me reassess why everything went badly, which eventually, reminded me how to be more cautious with my actions and avoid too many arguments, it made me able to correct my behavior and watch out my steps.
I always write stories that are hard to tell, stories and longings that are better kept and locked inside my journal than share it to others. I might not be safe!

Keeping a journal is a good way to learn more about my thoughts and feelings, but it’s not always easy because it requires rigorous self-discipline and strong determination, plus the fact that each writing activity prompted me to travel back again to the moment of agony. The moment I hold the pen and faced my journal, it tossed me back again to the days where pain is unbearable and tormenting.

Below is a sample entry for the month of June 2009:
--- For the past three months, I wrote about ARGUMENTS AND CONFLICTS, maybe because I was influenced with my current emotional burden. I have been carrying this heavy emotional baggage for quite sometime that it seems it is a part of me now and accustomed to its weight. I discovered one agonizing truth- that Pain simply never go away, you get used to it, as time goes by. I have discovered also that emotions do not simply wither, instead they grow heavily each day that sometimes it causes me to act in ways that surprise and dismay me. So when friends suggested to simply “drop” what weighs on me and lift it to God, it sounds like hearing a foreign langauge. In total honesty, the suggestion, though very sensible, is very difficult to follow in real life.

So that's it..that's only a sample..hehehe..journaling habit is such a welcome respite!

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