I Prefer to Grieve Privately. I Hate Sharing Grief on Social Media

On Monday, June 22, I arrived from my China Trip with a happy heart because finally, I was able to fulfill one of my greatest travel dreams to visit Shanghai, China! But I didn't know my 90-year-old father already passed away on June 20 while I was enjoying the scenery in Hangzhou City.

That day, I was over the moon because I finally visited the tea plantation in Hangzhou, which produces the famous Longjing Tea, China's most popular Green Tea. In fact I bought one canister of its loose leaves variety because I planned to give it to my parents. Authentic Longjing Tea offers optimum health benefits and I thought it would be good for my parents.

My family of course couldn't reach me because I didn't use social media while in China due to a clause in the content monetization program on Facebook that we shouldn't post updates while traveling to an ineligible country to avoid violations and removal from the program. I was also using an e-sim and didn't activate my smart and globe sims.

Although I had a great time with the group and had a happy experience exploring China's most prosperous cities, our itinerary for four days was super compact and hectic. China also had a heavy downpour during our tour.

From Shanghai, we traveled to Wuxi City, and then to Hangzhou, and back to Shanghai on the 21st of June. So by the time I boarded a plane back home on the early morning of June 22, I was already suffering from terrible muscle pains and cold.

I only knew of my father's death on the morning of June 22 while riding a grab car to Caloocan from the airport. I didn't know how to react since I was not feeling well at that time. It felt like I was floating in the air due to lack of sleep and body pain.

It was only upon arriving home that I made sense of the environment and the devastating news. But I kept my cool and my strength, trying to ponder on the meaning of loss, so that I won't completely break down.

My father's passing actually didn't surprise me at all. It's like an approaching train that anytime will come at our doorstep. You see, he was 90 and for the past two years, he suffered from a number of illnesses: hypertension, enlargement of prostate, gallbladder, kidney.

In early June, my mother asked me to come home soon because Papa's health continued to deteriorate after his last hospital confinement in May. But I have an upcoming China trip on June 17 to 22 so I told her to tell Papa I would be home in early July. Because I was confident at that time he could make it this year. I also didn't know how weak he was.

Papa in his happy days

To be honest, although I was prepared emotionally, I didn't expect death would come this month. Before my mother called us in early June to come home because Papa's health was deteriorating, I already planned to return home in July to see him.

But maybe that's how it is.

Maybe God has another plan, better than what our human brains understand. Maybe it's already part of his time line to be called to the House of the Lord this month. So I don't have regrets. I can only wish him happiness in the afterlife. No more pains. No more sufferings.

Papa had served the Roman Catholic Church as a lay minister for more than 50 years. Very dedicated to his role in the church all his life. The very reason why I have a strong devotion to my Catholic faith because I regularly accompanied him to the church during my younger days.

People might think I'm spineless. But I viewed death differently. I don't see it as a menace. I see it as a friendly word because it reminds us that we don't last forever. I believe that we have our own time line in this world. We don't know how it will arrive in our doorsteps, but we know it will come, sooner or later. So the best thing to do is to prepare for its arrival.

I also don't want to see my father lying in the coffin. I want to keep him in my memory as a living person. I want my last memory of him in his living form. I want to hear his laughter rather than see his lifeless body. So I better not to see him in his mortal remains.

Maybe we have different ways of grieving. We have different ways of coping the loss, of acceptance. But I prefer to grieve privately. I want to cope up the loss and be relieved in my own terms. In fact, I don't want people to offer condolences to me. I don't want to hear people offering sympathy because I don't see a value or importance of it. What's that for? For me, it's like a nail that is being hammered to my coffin of grief so I better not to hear about it. Just show respect to my silence and my grief. And that's enough.

Not all things and details that happened in our lives should be shared with the public. Not every event in our private lives must be shared on social media. We have already been bombarded by too many gloomy and sickening events in the surroundings, so the last thing to happen is to make our grief a public thing. That's too much. In fact, I don't like to see elements of death posted on social media. It's ridiculous. So I prefer to grieve privately. Alone in silence. I prefer it that way. And pray for the eternal repose and peace of my father's soul.

It's still weird to hear that he's gone. The reality hasn't sank in yet to my brain. Right now, I am not feeling well, my body still ached badly due to flu and cold and extreme body fatigue. I need enough time to recover my physical energy. I could feel my brain still fogging due to physical exhaustion from our tour. My frozen shoulder is so painful. It's been a year that I suffered from frozen shoulder and now it feels like the physical tension has overwhelmed my back. So I need to recover physically first.

But yeah, I need enough time to grieve privately that's why I haven't posted photos of our China tour. Although I already posted several videos on my YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/@thegourmandtraveler, I haven't written articles yet about the trip on my travel website.

I hate saying goodbye and all the morbid things about funeral and burial. It's sickening and depressing. I just want to celebrate my father's life in a different way. I want to keep his memory alive by not seeing him lying in the coffin.

I just think of the good memories growing up with him rather than immersed in sadness. It's true that losing a parent is one of the most devastating events we could have in our lifetime, but being convulsed in grief won't help anything. It also contradicts the reality of how God designs our mortal existence in this world - that we don't last forever.

So instead of viewing death as something morbid and painful, I am viewing it as part of our life cycle. Accepting it wholeheartedly frees me from anxiety, depression, and heartbreaks. And recognising death as part of life allows us to live meaningfully because it will remind us that we don't last forever so in the process we will live each day doing positive things as if it's our last.

In recent years, I become closer to my faith. I don't know how it happened lol! But I suddenly become prayerful, entrusting my whole life to the Lord and completely surrendering to His will. I aimed to never miss Sunday mass. I became discerning, treating each day as an opportunity to live according to God's plan. I am in a situation where I believe I have already achieved self-fulfillment in life. I treat my happiness and sadness, success and failure as consequences of my actions and decisions. So I don't have regrets.

Part of pondering the meaning of life and sense of purpose in this world is accepting death. Because it is inevitable and the most certain destiny of being mortal. So instead of being sad, I considered my father's death as God's will. Maybe it's his time to go. It maybe sad but life on Earth is really like that. We don't last forever. Papa had lived the best years of his life. He had accomplished the things that made him happy. He was in the sunset phase of his life. Maybe it's really time to go.

My favorite verses in the Bible that teach us the meaning of life, death, humility, and God's will are in Ecclesiastes chapter 3:1-21: "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.

...God has made everything appropriate to its time, but has put the timeless into their hearts so they cannot find out, from beginning to end, the work which God has done...I recognized that there is nothing better than to rejoice and to do well during life.

In other words, these verses teach us that Everything that happens in this world happens at the time God chooses. "Everything has its own time, and that there is a specific time for every activity under heaven. There's a time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth.

These verses reflect on the mortality of all humans and highlight our limitations, our knowledge regarding the afterlife.

The verses teach us that God is sovereign, so we can live each day with gratitude and enjoy what he's given us. To know that God is in charge of everything. To feel grateful that He makes life beautiful and meaningful, even when there are times we feel disappointed and heartbroken.

To my father, I know you have done your best as a father during your lifetime. We truly appreciate your affection, your effort to make our lives worth living, and all the positive life lessons you have imparted to us. Praying for the eternal repose of your soul. May you rest in eternal peace, and in God's embrace. Whatever lapses we had as your children, may you forgive us. Wishing you happiness and peace in the afterlife. I hate to send you in your final resting place so I remained here. But soon will visit your grave. Hope you continue to watch over us to keep us safe, just as how you have watched us and shielded us from harm while you are still alive. ❤️

Here are photos of my father the last time we met (January 2025):