A Black Saturday reflection: When life feels like a chaotic sea engulfed with big waves of challenges and fears. Things become scary, dark, and uncertain.
But our story on earth is always like that. We're like inexperienced and scared voyagers, boarding a silly small boat of life, trying to traverse the stormy sea with the hindsight of survival, despite not seeing the safe harbor clearly.
Today, as twilight approaches, the silence of the environment fills up my empty soul to reflect on what's going on in the world that seems slowly lost its meaning.
I have to write this in the present tense because right at this moment, I am sitting alone at our living room table, and feel disoriented by the shelling in my thoughts, with the madness of the world, and convulsed with indecisions.
I felt my hands are full of chances and moments, but uncertain if I made the right choices. It feels like I am standing at a crossroads of my life, shuddering with the thought of dragging my steps on the wrong road. I might reach the wrong destination.
I am so overwhelmed with the turn of events lately, with the way my life's journey progresses, with the way I maneuvered the rudder of my boat in a stormy sea. I feel like rolling and tossing at the wave of this chaotic, uncertain journey.
It's pretty scary out there, but life is like a battle that needs to be fought. And with all the shaking and rolling comes an assurance that I'll get through the calm shores, safe and sound. And emerge tougher and wiser. More discerning and better.
I am steadfast with the option I take, confident with the decisions I made, that whatever downturns I may encounter, I can overcome it, and all the hurdles and kinks of life that may come as consequences of the choices I made.
With all the failures and missteps I have gone through in life, I am braver now, and more confident to take risks. I might never get that chance again. Today is the day to get on with it. Tomorrow is already delayed.
Life is all about taking risks and taking chances. If we're brave enough to venture into unchartered territories, life will reward us with triumph and glory. I am confident I can get through life's challenges and will emerge victorious despite hesitations and fears.
Right at this moment, I am sitting alone at our living room table in front of the television and watching Ben-Hur, one of the classic Hollywood films I grew up admiring. I always thought writing a screenplay like Ben-Hur makes one a legend in storytelling.
It's Black Saturday. Well, a term commonly used in the Christian world refers to Holy Saturday, a Saturday after Good Friday, and before Easter Sunday. It commemorates the day Jesus Christ lay in His tomb prior to His resurrection.
It's so relieving to watch classic films because the narrative is so impressive, it provides a lot of wisdom and pointers to aspiring novelists. For a long time, I always wanted to write a screenplay for historical movies and series, to no avail, perhaps because I am lazy. Uggh!
I've plenty of synopsis of historical novels kept in my hard drive but none of it progressed into a complete book because, yeah, I often yielded to boredom and laziness.
I managed to complete a crime-thriller book, The Red Star Tattoo Conspiracy, by which promotion is something I neglected and it got stuck up in the Amazon bookstore. I planned to publish a revised edition soon, and hope to find an independent film producer to sell the story.
Tomorrow is Easter Sunday, may my "lost soul" finds light amidst the darkness of this windswept journey, and find assurance that things will be okay, that I make the right decisions and can reach my ultimate goal in life.
I love this beautiful piece written by Lisa Brennan-Jobs, daughter of the late Apple co-founder, Steve Jobs, "Favorite Moment of the Day", because it summarizes my thoughts at this point in my life:
"Sometimes I go to sleep thinking of the next morning's hot coffee in my customary white paper cup. The anticipation makes the sheets seem softer. In my life, I am between landmarks: after childhood, before a book, before marriage, and children, all potential. I've heard the gambler's rush is not in losing or winning, but in the interval between playing and knowing.
Coffee is my ritual, my interval, the luminous place between now and what's next, more arc than landing. It is ubiquitous and legal, solitary and communal. In the morning, when I take a sip, space opens between the molecules; voices and clatter in the cafe separate into bright, tonal bands. My mind fans open. Fireflies blink in my torso. I take it to go, so I can drink and walk alone".
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