More
than a year ago, I posted this audacious longing “True Love Waits”, for thinking
that maybe it only takes a matter of day or days before I could finally meet my
soulmate and we would be falling madly in love, go somewhere to experience life
and sail to the sunset of our lives together.
But days rolled into weeks and
weeks rolled into months and meeting my soulmate remained a distant phenomenon.
Eventually, my belief that true love waits eroded,
convincing myself that it is only a futuristic wish but never actually true.
Moment
after moment, my belief towards myself faltered and my self-confidence
diminished. It seems no one wants to take me in and no one wants to know me
better. And as with the past history of my waiting moment, things halted even
before it started and I coiled back to my cocoon and gave up the idea of still stumbling
on the one. I finally accepted the fact that I am not destined to be with
someone whom I like.
But
grieving over a lost dream or fretting why someone did not dash towards me and
preferred other people to be with, is a waste of time. Life is precious and I
don’t want to spend each day agonizing over why I could not get what I want,
why someone has turned away and why I am always overlooked. Eventually, I stop
asking myself what’s wrong with me, I know there’s nothing wrong with me, it’s
just that all men I like preferred another human being. There’s nothing I can
do about it because that’s beyond my control.
The
other night, I was with my two best friends and we talked so many things,
including our dreary love life and our failure to be with someone we love. One
of them suggested of why not considering the possibility of turning into
legitimate dating sites where we could possibly meet someone who would love and
value us.
We
ended up laughing, OMG! I have never thought about it, you know flaunting
myself in a dating site as if I am some kind of a fabric already displayed for
bargain. I know I am on the verge of desperation but I still want a Filipino guy
to be with, someone who has the same interest with me, whom I shared the same
passion and life preferences. Although I must admit that as days progressed,
the possibility of meeting the one whom I truly love sounds so remote but still
I am not losing hope.
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