An Open Letter To Someone I feel Comfortable Talking With. Thank You For The Time

There's nothing extraordinary in life than knowing somewhere in our journey we will meet people whom we feel extra comfortable with, people who could compliment our personality and who seem to be the version of ourselves.

But what if that someone won't return a favor and just ignore us?

It is within this premise that I seriously meditated on the value of self-love, self-worth, friendship and relationship. How would we relate to others without asking how they should treat us? How would we build friendship without demanding attention? How would we show love without expecting something in return?

In life, we heard stories about controlling and destructive relationship because someone is self-centered and mentally abusive, we heard stories about broken friendship because someone is insensitive, we heard stories about painful breakups because loyalty and trust were shattered.

Pride, self-centeredness, deceit, disrespect, narrow-mindedness, apathy, are often the catalysts of broken relationships, even friendship.

It's pretty insane to think that the life we are trying to build is a life filled with so many treachery and betrayal, rules and restrictions, borders and hindrances. But, yes, life is hard. No one told us that it is easy. It's always tricky. And it will get harder as we continue with our journey. But the most important thing is, we learned from the things that life throws at us, we learned how to roll over with the punches.

Is this how life should really work? 

The answer depends on how we view things in the correct perspective and how we recognize our self-worth. People treat us the way how we want to be treated, the way how we want to be acknowledged. That's why respect is not earned. It is deserved.

Lately, I've been thinking hard about how my life runs, my head sight for the future, the choices I made, the dreams I neglected and the hopes I nurtured. I began contemplating on the value of life, the essence of associating with others, and how I should suppose to relate to the people in my environment.

It's a hell of a challenge and I often cried in the night. Life sometimes can be complicated but the journey is great. It's an uphill climb, yes, but the view on top is beautiful. I will just have to keep moving. I can only control my views and mindset about life but never on how others treated me.  So I will just have to enjoy my journey and thank the people who come along with it.

I figured, we should never expect something in return from anyone. We should never demand attention, affection and sympathy from the people we get to associate everyday. Genuine love, genuine friendship, genuine cares, generosity and kindness should be freely given and should never be bartered of. This is the great lesson I learned so far.

In my life, I have never had any closest associates other than my four female best friends. I lived in a very small, tight world because for so long I refused to open myself to others for fear of stumbling on the wrong road. I don't have any expanded network of friends. I was never close to boys because I was always scared of them.

After college, only then that I started opening my life to other people. But it was a very slow start and  there were plenty of hesitations along the way, so most of them only ended up as acquaintances.

I haven't cultivated many friendship because I was always specific. I only let people to join my inner circle if they shared the same values with me. I put too many restrictions in friendship, I lived in isolation, away from others, I refused to talk to men. I was always hesitant to explore the other side of life for fear of stumbling on wrong people, wrong directions. 

In the span of years, I encountered challenges the way I relate to others, perhaps because I was not used to seeing a lot of people in my journey. I struggled to express myself freely because I am afraid I would be judged as a push-over. I became prone to overthinking, over-analyzing and exaggeration which created a blur pattern in friendship. As a result, I developed a difficult personality of aloofness.

I have never been into a relationship, not even a date, nor form a close bond with boys because I was always scared of meeting men. I avoided a situation where there's a man in the group. I avoided an instance where I would be forced to talk to men in public. Because I always thought they were "monsters" that should be avoided at all cost. A social stigma I have to endure for the most part of my life.

Why I was so hesitant in meeting men?

When I was still in my early teens, I made a covenant with God that I would only enter into a relationship with an opposite sex only once in my life. This  sacred covenant became my stern guide in making big decisions.

Crazy as it is, but it became the tipping point of how I viewed life and how I treated friendship. I became extra cautious and ultra observant with the people I encountered.

But years went on with nothing happened. I'm still sitting beside the window of our house gazing at the silhouette horizon, wondering if I could still meet someone who is ready to take me in, pondering on God's master plan about my life. In-between the gray clouds I tried hard to understand God's message.

Until I've realized I haven't truly lived the way life supposed to be lived. A life that's free from restrictions, constraints and control. A life that's absolutely humanistic, carefree and broader. I haven't allowed to grow myself in a flawed world. I refused to accept the vagueness of life because I always believe life should be spotless and perfectly molded into correctness.

Looking back, I felt that I haven't done anything to make life worthy to be fought for. I was always on the morally upright side that I couldn't understand why people suffer in emotional intimacy. I couldn't understand why people let themselves be fooled with destructive relationships.

So I prayed hard to God to let me encounter good people to be part of my journey, to help me show the spot in life without sacrificing the uprightness, to take part in my understanding on the value of relating. 

It's not yet too late to begin forming a great bond with others. It's not yet too late to know people on the opposite side of the spectrum. So I made some adjustments lately. I started to become considerate with my environment. I experimented some variations in friendship by going out with the people from diverse background, something I absolutely dreaded in the past. I tried relating to them to learn the rope of friendship. I went out on a trip with them, laughed with them.

But it got tiring as time progresses. Not that their friendship is terrible but it got me painfully anxious to pretend that I like the company. That I enjoyed every minute of it when I'm not. So I stopped pretending and moved back to my comfort zone and crawled to my subconscious, asking God for guidance to let me encounter people I absolutely feel comfortable with.

I meditated on the value of getting to know other people, on how I should relate to others without forcing myself to be nice or without pretending to be enjoying the moment when I am truly not. So I resolved to never put barriers in relating because I might not recognize God's gift among these acquaintances. I might miss the opportunity of meeting great people who would help me shine in life.

Every day is a lesson to live by. Each day we're given so many chances to see the wonders of the world, to appreciate its goodness and to recognize God's blessings through others. We often encountered moments that seem to be totally misalignment in our lives, but it happens because it meant to happen, either to teach us lessons or to be the blessings to others.

I have never done anything audacious in my life. I am not a risk taker and absolutely not an initiator even in a conversation. I am always the quiet type. The approach-me-first type. The apprehensive, the hesitant, the scared, the timid type. I am terribly shy and always this little girl who sits in a quiet corner in silence, afraid to try anything in life.

But life is a journey and a great war to overcome. It has to be lived courageously free from fear of losing the battle. It has to be lived meaningfully without putting too many restrictions that could hamper any instances of friendship to blossom and know the value of the person. We can't recognize God's gift to us unless we free ourselves from apprehensions and restrictions.

I should learn to trek and climb the mountaintop so as not to lose sight of the beauty of the journey and what's going on beyond. I am not getting any younger, I should get rid of my fear in associating with people especially the opposite sex. I should learn to adjust and be courageous. I should learn to take up my battle gear, my armor, to face the bullets of life. I should learn to recognize people in my environment who brought light to my gray days. It's with this reason that I began to get out of my shell and started initiating conversation with the people I feel comfortable with.

Then one day, light filters through my window...

Am I winning the battle? The answer is not yet. I'm still in the middle of my journey, far from the intersection of life. I am still yet to encounter my fiercest battle but I know God is just close behind and His light continues to shine in my journey. His giant halo is protecting me like a consoling embrace.

Then one day, my prayers yielded a result. God allows myself to meet someone from the opposite stock who is so cool, polite and good-natured, someone whom I can start learning the value of relating towards the opposite sex. Someone who is so level-headed and down-to-earth. He is absolutely gracious, far from the idea of men I was absolutely terrified.

Ever since in my life, I did not get a chance to diversify in friendship and talk to men. I was always afraid of men, but this person is incredibly different because he is so nice to talk with. I don't feel threatened each time we have a conversation. I don't feel intimidated. In return, the connection brings out the best in me. I became considerate and began to see life in a different perspective. It widens my horizon how to deal with people who are on the opposing belief. With this person, I feel comfortable expressing even my weirdest thoughts.

It eventually breathes a fresh air in my journey, on the way I relate with men. As though God intentionally prepares this connection to let me learn the rope of friendship with men through this person. And I am incredibly thankful. I considered him as a gift from God, this friendship is part of God's plan to teach me how to outgrow my childlike tendencies, understand people from different beliefs and get rid of my fear towards men.

And with this, I want this person to know that...

You light up the room the moment you entered. You let me understand that men shouldn't be feared of. You showed me how things should be handled when talking to opposite sex without stepping on the parameters of privacy.

Perhaps you will never see yourself the way I described you but your worth sometimes can be seen by the people who see you in different eyes, beyond your imperfections. It's not about the dark side of your personality. Everyone has a dark side. But it's the good side of yours that shines on the path of friendship. It filters through crack doors and brings delight to my gray routine.

      Every time I think of you, I           thank God (Philippians 1:3)

Although you have not considered me as a best confidante of yours, nor a close friend, I wouldn't dwell on that. Because friendship and attention should never be demanded for, it can only be freely given but never to be asked for.

We are only passing acquaintances and we might never see each other in the coming months or years, but I am very thankful that once in my lifetime  I encountered someone like you whom I can talk freely, whom I can share stories about life, whom I can express even my strangest and corniest thoughts.

I always have this fear that everytime we ended our conversation it might be the last. That we might never talk again nor be given another chance to share stories, but what is important is that the encounter happens. And that's enough for me to be grateful.

For the time you have set aside for our conversation, thank you so much. It means a lot to me. Someday, this encounter with you might only be memories but I am certain it will leave a significant footprint that would bring lessons in my lifetime journey.

We might be on the opposing side of the fence of our beliefs but we understood each other. I absolutely understand your views and choices. It is how your value as a person is molded and it should be respected. I am glad I got to talk to someone who never crashes my soul in a fierce argument whenever opposing principles are expressed.

I think, we always understood each other and have drawn a clear parameter of never to step into other's principles because that's what respect is all about. I am glad we never ended up launching terrible arguments whenever we expressed contrasting views and that's how extraordinary this friendship is.

But we don't have any hold of our future. Even the best of times last. One of these days it might come to an end. But I'm absolutely grateful the encounter happens. We might not see each other eye to eye on a daily basis, but I know the honesty of conversation is genuine. And that's enough for me.😊

With you I have learned that two persons don't have to be extra close, nor have to be always on the same side of life to gel in. It only needs an open-mindedness, respect and understanding to  sail into the road of friendship smoothly. I am always grateful for the time you freely given in a conversation.

I wish nothing but the best in life. Let your self shine through, to wind off confusions. Be prayerful so that when time comes for you to make big decisions, you won't falter.

We don't meet people by accident.

Definitely true.

God places people in our path for reasons, for seasons or for a lifetime. And it's not an accident. We met people for a reason and not by chance. They came into our lives to teach us a lesson or to let us understand the value of life.

Some of them might never meant to stay longer in our lives, perhaps they only take part in molding our characters or teach us to become a better person or recognize our self-worth, but the impact they will leave is massive. It will create a mark in our system that endures the passing of time, or might be a warning to be cautious the next time we encounter another person or circumstance.

One of my favorite verses in the Holy Bible is this:

Everything in this world, happens in time that God chooses (Ecclesiastes 3:1-15). 

Indeed. We should never force circumstances to yield to our desires. We should never expect too much from someone, even in friendship, because everything in this world happens in time that God chooses.

I don't have to complain because God's time is always perfect. 😊

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