Is it Written in the Stars?

 You're not friends, not even an acquaintance. You're not being introduced. There's no way you could talk and get to know each other. But sometimes stars found its way to collide which left me thinking, is everything in fate written in the stars?

Crazy as it may seem but lately, yes, lately disheveled thoughts started clogging in my head again. I don't know if the trouble lies in my impatience to get on with my silent "yearnings" or my mind is already tired analyzing where my life is heading. But events in my life, which had given me so much emotional burden in the past couple of years, look like kept repeating.

I've long waited enough to see my life takes a leap to a whole new chapter. I’ve waited long enough to see my life changes its course. Sometimes I felt the exhaustion already consumed my optimism, viewing life as nothing but a ball of frustration. Because I have enough and over the years I developed this ugly belief that my existence had been cursed. But towards the end of the day when everything is settled within my system, optimism found its way to dominate my mind again.

It looks like my human side is not yet ready to give up and continue hoping that one day, fate will smile down on me. Then my thoughts started to develop some excuses. "Maybe I wasn’t aggressive enough in the past to create a life of my own", "maybe I was too naive enough to overlook things". 

These excuses sounded like storm warnings that lately I felt like there's a need to put some urgency in my approach in life. So I tried to be ridiculous - emulating what women in Hollywood rom-com films are manifesting - unleashing a suave gesture of catching attention in a subtle way, but just enough to retain a degree of self-respect. 

So it goes, my silent and subtle rocket flew off. For a couple of weeks it went on.

However, as months progressed, to my chagrin, the formula seemed didn't set quite well. In return, I received nothing but desertion and overwhelmingly "push away" manifestation. At first I thought I wasn't drastic enough to send my message clearly. So I made a strong, albeit smooth, pact with myself that I'll make it clearer next encounter.

The most anticipated day came late in the year. It looks like birds in the sky and all the supernatural elements in the atmosphere heard my pleading because the close encounter I kept hoping was repeated several times. I didn't waste moments, I let heaven knows that finally I've picked my choice.

But each time the encounter occurred, I got nothing but "silence", and with brows seemed raising. My self-esteem got affected. I crawled back to my old self, and developed these self-defeating thoughts again: "Maybe something is terribly wrong with myself", "maybe I'm not desirable enough to shake someone's world".

Until one day, I felt tired chasing dreams, so I allowed things to just settle on its own pace and dismantled the subtle rocket I created.. The hostile manifestations continued. And we're not yet introduced. We're not yet friends. And looks like will never be.

Maybe there's a fault in our stars. lol!

Now, while browsing my past blog posts, I came across with this crazy article I wrote some years back. An analysis on the book, “He’s Just Not That Into You”. A book written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. My article opened with a quote from the book:

“Things are really crazy right now. 
I’ve just got a ton of shit going on”!

To get on  with  the thoughts of the article, here's what I've written:

One evening, I had a talk with one of my female best friends (well, of course all my best friends are females :-P) about, errrr, our monotonous love life, funny isn't it? But the topic suddenly sprung from our mind while waiting for our meals to be served.

 I've never been into a relationship before so this aspect of a human life is some sort of a dream, like wishing to fly to the moon. But I don't want to sound like a tormented damsel so I won't touch those sensitive issues of "why-I-am-forever-welded-in-one-corner" stuff. I've had enough of those in the past years and I am bloody tired confronting myself with the same set of dreary questions.

So, we just laughed it off, then our conversation geared towards something like ---- ahhh, wondering how to understand the complexities of a man's world. Darn! Our conversation was interrupted by a tray of food laid by the waiter so we did not pursue the topic and talked something else.

When I returned home, I pulled my old diary and checked all the entries I've written between 2009 to 2013. 

My gaze darted to one chapter where I unload emotional burden and suddenly remembered this book "He’s Just Not That Into You", Oh, crazy stuff! I've no copy with this book and no plan to buy one, I've just read few chapters of it somewhere.

I laughed at myself while recalling the content of this book, really, because it talks about, well, girls' excuses gauging men's actions. It's a bit funny, because it feels like, yeah, I am that jerk woman in that book, who sometimes creates excuses for a guy's actions.

In case, you are not familiar with this book, the opening chapter will really amuse your boring evening, although there’s a little kick in the abdomen:

“He’s the guy that’s so tired from work, so stressed about the project he’s working on. He’s just been through an awful breakup and it’s really hitting him hard. His parents’ divorce has scarred him and he has trust issues. Right now he has to focus on his career. He can’t get involved with anyone until he knows what his life is all about. He does not want to ruin the friendship. He wants to plan first for the future. God, he’s so complicated” blah blah blah!

How do you find it? Yeah, according to the book, this kind of man doesn’t exist in reality. He is just entirely made up from girls’ excuses. Because although there’s really a guy that fits to the descriptions and stuck in that familiar situation, according to Greg, “If a man is really excited about someone, he can’t stop himself from wanting that someone and if that guy is attracted to his friend (girl of course), he wants to take it further and never think if the friendship will ruin or something".

If a man doesn’t say anything or no hint of any atomic reactor heating up in the horizon, well, there's only one clear explanation, "He is just not that into you". So stop making excuses with his actions, don’t over analyze, because the plain truth is, if he does not say anything or if he continues to dither, only one thing is sure "He is just not that into you!". Period.

And according to the book “Almost all guys will rather choose to cut their arms in a window of a city bus than admit to a woman straight to her face that he is not attracted to her or "she’s not the one". So stop searching for reasons why someone has not make any move. The truth is, he is simply not just into you.

After reading a few chapters of the book, I had a good laugh that evening, not because those hints are so real but because of the humor of the author. I learned so many tips writing a hilarious manuscript! Heaven the book is so wonderfully written and very entertaining, the content is ultra-funny, full of comical anecdotes. 

Here's a nice quote from that book:

“If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, 
he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, 
because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.” 

Did I say, don't over analyze? Yes, don't attempt to fabricate stories. And don't ever think this article  is attributed to someone, I just can't help but be amused with the content of this book. The writing style is very unique, it caught attention!

There you go! Though I've written the above article years ago, it still feels like yesterday because things kept repeating. But to some degree the whole magnitude is quite different. Now, I've grown up to some extent and knows my perimeters.

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